Can someone you consider your equal be your teacher? Your coach?
This question has been coming up for me with some students. And one-by-one I let them go.
When I coach someone, and they answer: good idea! I know they have no respect for me. ((What is respect? Respect is seeing me for who I am. By myself, and in our relationship.
To bring fresh humility to the conversation… In the moment. Not from your memory, and not in comparison with your precious “I”.
If I have accomplished something: you can see it.
The dictionary definition is just one side of the coin: “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”
I don’t care what you feel. But if you cannot see that there is a path towards which you aspire, and I am further along that road and may have insights you cannot yet have… then you have no respect for me.
I have some students that “humor me”… “there is nothing to see… now tell me what YOU see!” is their attitude.
When you see nothing, you are SURE that there is nothing there…
…and that renders you not humble, not teachable, not coachable.
And our relationship will end then and there…
As I have said countless time before: what gives you your actions, your attitude is what you see!
There may be more to respect… I’ll go and examine that at another time.))
Saying “good idea!” indicates that you could have come up with the same thing… that someone needs nothing beyond what you know and what you have, to say what they said, to suggest what they suggested.
This, in the normal course of events, tells me: it is time to cut the connection: there is nothing more I can do here: there is no willingness to be humble on the part of the student.
You could say: I have to earn their respect… but if I haven’t thus far, chances are I never will.
It all boils down to humility.
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