I can’t handle it

I can’t handle it

Yesterday in the growth workshop I decided to look at my relationship to money. I have been trying to crack this tough nut for many years: in every business I have had everyone said I was sitting on a big mountain of money… but not actualizing much of it. 😦

So I set out to work on money… Asking: how come I don’t make as much money as I could… with what I have…

Of course I am the course leader, so I don’t have time to deal with my own sh-it, but now it is on the sheet… documented, and the table.

After the webinar I did some busy work, watched some old private eye show… went to bed, and fell asleep. I didn’t even want to do the healing work I was supposed to do… it seemed every fiber of my being wanted to not be conscious… sleep, blessed sleep.

At 2 am I woke up to feverish activity in the mind… it was so feverish and so insistent, I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up, got dressed. I made a cup of tea, sat down, and pondered.

I could hear a faint voice in my head, no, in my body: I can’t handle it.
Anything you do, anything you feel, all behavior, all emotions come from some words. Hearing the words is the key to get the actions conscious, to get the behavior conscious.
The voice I heard, ‘I can’t handle it’ explains almost everything in my life.

When who you are ‘I can’t handle it’, the way you avoid having to handle it is to avoid doing it altogether. I have been avoiding writing ‘real’ sales letters,… the way you make real money. No sales letter = no real money, or just a little bit. Alms.

Why not just do it? It is hard, and it needs my weakest capacity… as a dyslexic person I have a wicked hard time to organize stuff, put them in order, have a sequence. And that, a sequence is the heart of a sales letter.

I have a hard time seeing what to say when… But hard time doesn’t mean I can’t…

I can, probably, although I haven’t even tried in years.
I have been avoiding the unpleasant feeling about myself, the feeling that I am somehow defective.
Here it is… the tears are starting.

Yeah… the unpleasantness from the world is much easier to handle than the unpleasantness of facing the inner tiger, the idea that somehow you are not perfect, that you are somehow defective.
This was an insight. Insights are a dime a dozen.
Now, having an insight is fine and dandy… but it will make no difference unless I create a breakthrough form it first, and a new habit next.

In the workshop everyone I said that embracing how you are is the key to being able to have the rest of life to be different. Whether it is in relationships or in results; it is immaterial: if you can embrace the imperfection then you can go beyond.
So embracing says that I should be the way I am… exactly the way I am…
…and start there… dyslexic, afraid of complexity, afraid of structuring pieces… Good. That is the way I am… and I should be that way, because that is how I am.
Now what

SOURCE: click to continue reading I can’t handle it

If you can’t grow, you don’t grow, you can’t fit growth into your life…

I have been thrown a curveball…

Most people deal with stuff being taken away from them… But what do you do when stuff is added to you… like a gift?

But when you buy into any of my programs, you will need to deal with this: too much to deal with.

You already have too many irons in the fire… if you even have any, your hands are full, and now you need to grow new hands if you don’t want to drop the ones you already have.

This is what happened to me this week, and I predict I’ll deal with this for a while… until I reorganize myself and my life to the increased activity I am taking on.

Many people buy programs, try to adjust earnestly, but abandon ship… because organization, especially re-organization is most people’s weak skill.

SOURCE: click to continue reading If you can’t grow, you don’t grow, you can’t fit growth into your life…

Selfish? let’s look at that, shall we?

Life is best when it is lived where what you want for yourself is a side effect.
For half of humanity that sounds like liberal nonsense… but this is how life becomes the most enjoyable, and maybe the most “life-earning” as well, in spite of it being counter intuitive.

And this is true in every area of life…

I can’t write a better article on this than Zat Rana on Medium.

What I can write best about is the wretchedness of going straight for what you want, and quitting when anyone else benefits… And I can share how this… getting what I need as a side effect, consciously, has been one of the secrets of my inner peace, fulfillment, and happiness.

Some 15 years ago I started studying Kabbalah, an ancient body of thought. The truth value of Kabbalah is about 30%, while most other “ancient” teachings are less than 10% truth value, so if you have a large body of knowledge yourself, if you have read hundreds or thousands of books, if you have degrees, etc. you are somewhat safe in studying Kabbalah.

SOURCE: click to continue reading Selfish? let’s look at that, shall we?

Why do we have an ego, and how can we make it really useful? You don’t have any part that is not useful!

I just had a “conversation” with a student, where I suggested that she uses ego to support her growth.

From her answers it has become clear that “using ego” is not a commonplace conversation, and that it needs instruction.

Culture condemns ego… as if it were a bad thing.

So let’s see what ego is, and what it isn’t.

Ego is a lot like a kitchen knife: you can use it for good, for useful, or for harm… kill with it. You can also use it to clean it under your nails… somewhat useful, but not the right tool…

You can also call it bad, and ban it from your house.  It is also a lot like a nail. It concentrates the energy so it can cut through thick planks of wood… or thick planks of resistance…

I was looking for pictures for this article… in vain. All memes, all pictures said: do away with the ego, it’s bad.
You can see that this is a big conspiracy to strip you of your power. To turn you into powerless limp d-i-c-k. Bleating sheep. Without the ego you are soft, with high aspirations and no power, no bones, no muscles, no strength.

Recognize yourself? Good… now get to work. Strengthen and direct ego to help you become worth a damn. It is never too late. Those who laugh last laugh best.
By the way, the people who are enlightened: got the joke played on them. Maybe that is what enlightenment is? Do you get the joke played on you?

Hey, I never said that ignorance is bliss… someone else said it. I believe that ignorance is not bliss, it is a hindrance.

SOURCE: click to continue reading Why do we have an ego, and how can we make it really useful? You don’t have any part that is not useful!

A good murder, like good wine, takes time…

A good murder, like good wine, takes time… It is only reasonable if a man is going to spend the rest of his life paying for a murder, he should be entitled to take his time while committing it.

It is not just murder that people are hasty about, impulsive about, it is nearly everything that is potentially impactful on the rest of their lives.

People, you, are either procrastinating about important things, or jump in with two feet, holding your nose, closing your eyes.

Of course the world is full of seemingly contradictory advice…

Here is one:
You don’t have to get it perfect, you just have to get it going.
If you look at this advice one way:

SOURCE: click to continue reading A good murder, like good wine, takes time…

You are more afraid of sharks, Big Foot than of diabetes or living a humdrum life

One of the weakest parts and vulnerable functions of the human body is the part that processes carbohydrates… the pancreas.

Our diet, mostly carbs, sweets, juices, sweet beverages, candy, cakes, cookies, cow’s milk destroy our cells ability to allow sugars to be used… so they need to be dumped in fat… or they are poison… destroying the liver as well.

I have had several clients, interestingly mostly Europeans, who are pre-diabetic… and yet were unwilling to stop, unwilling to completely stop eating carbs, even though they didn’t feel well.

SOURCE: click to continue reading You are more afraid of sharks, Big Foot than of diabetes or living a humdrum life

Assumptions or gratitude, appreciation, abundance… Choose.

What the f… are you talking about. Sophie?

Because 99% reality, 99% of all-there-is is invisible to most of us, we all developed some way to cope with that… and of those the most damaging, the most harmful is assumptions.

You assume you know. Youe assume the context. You assume what is wanted and needed.

Asking questions is below you… you think, and you don’t ask.

SOURCE: click to continue reading Assumptions or gratitude, appreciation, abundance… Choose.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care

…poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau said.

1. There are truths that you can only say after having won the right to say them.
2. True realism consists in revealing the surprising things that habit keeps covered and prevents us from seeing.
3. What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.
4. You should always talk well about yourself! The word spreads around, and in the end, no one remembers where it started.
5. We shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel.

IF THE ANGEL DECIDES TO COME . . .
‘If the Angel decides to come it will be because you have convinced her, not by tears, but by your humble resolve to be always beginning; to be a beginner.’ ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

SOURCE: click to continue reading People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care

How do I decide what to write about?

Before I answer that question, I want to look at something closely related, but something I have only seen addressed one single time. And that is: how to be in a conversation where you listen in such a way, that everything you say will be delightful for to the other… where you are in a gentle and pleasant dance… instead of how you are now: separate, all about yourself… never dancing, never really having an experience of belonging to the human race, or even to that particular conversation. Wanting to win, wanting to dominate, wanting to be right, look good, etc.

And as a result you now have a life that you don’t belong with the closest people, family, lovers, children… co-workers, bosses, even friends, if you even have any.

SOURCE: click to continue reading How do I decide what to write about?