Life is best lived where what you want for yourself is a side effect.
I know, for half of humanity that sounds like liberal nonsense… but this is how life becomes the most enjoyable, and maybe the most “life-earning” as well, in spite of it being counter intuitive.
And this is true in every area of life…
I can’t write a better article on this than Zat Rana here.
What I can write best is the wretchedness of going straight for what you want, and quitting when anyone else benefits… And I can share how this… getting what i need as a side effect, consciously, has been one of the secrets of my inner peace, fulfillment, and happiness.
Some 15 years ago I started studying Kabbalah, an ancient body of thought. The truth value of Kabbalah is about 30%, while most other “ancient” teachings are less than 10% truth value, so if you have a large body of knowledge yourself, have read hundreds or thousands of books, have degrees, etc. You are somewhat safe in studying Kabbalah.