It is hard to remember what we did with our lives before the internet… for me it’s been 18 years. It is hard to figure out what I can do that does not involve the internet… Finally I settle on writing, editing, and such.
It’s 11:30 am. The repairman was scheduled to be here at 11. I am sitting here, uncharacteristically anxious, contemplating that the man won’t even show up, that he will lie, that I will have to be another day without the ability to work.
It’s excruciatingly painful. I am diligently making room for the bad feelings, including them, breathing normally. Then I have a suspicion: is this mine? I normally don’t get anxious: I take life as it comes.
Turns out I tuned into the repairman: it’s his anxiety. Hm.
Just before this, at 11 I was tuned into this woman for about 20 minutes. She is from Canada, and I needed to test her for all the Bach Energies, so I can prepare a custom remedy for her. 20 minutes of sheer agony.
But to be fair, this is how it is for most people. Anxiety, fear, trepidation, thoughts and more thoughts
So I am contemplating… what if consciousness simply means becoming conscious that the feelings and the thoughts are not you, and not yours. What if consciousness means becoming conscious that we live in a machine, but we have a choice of identifying ourselves with the machine that is made of urges, feelings, emotions, thoughts, or identify ourselves with the one who observes.
What if you can’t get to the woo-woo consciousness without first becoming conscious? What if the videos of famous people on youtube on consciousness that heals, that is god consciousness is not the next step, and therefore unattainable without making the next step: becoming conscious that you are the Watcher, not the Thinker or the Feeler. ((I have a student whose whole life experience was defined by his congregation, his church pretending to have an experience every Sunday…and, of course, he didn’t. And he felt less than them, and spent his 50 years trying to become like them… not become like himself, building a life for himself, growing, expanding, taking every day as it comes. Finally, he is turning his life around… maybe? You can’t be sure of anything, you can’t be sure of anyone. We’ll see. But no he has a path that is doable, a path that doesn’t expect him to jump straight into heaven.))
What is the fastest way to become miserable and low vibration is to hope for a mystical experience, or claim that you had it, and then have to pretend.
Most people with mystical experiences are unhappy, full of anxiety.
Here are a few vibrational readings: Jon Kabat-Zinn: personal vibration: 200. Gregg Braden: personal vibration: 170. Eckhart Tolle: personal vibration: 150.
What if they are both the impostors and the cheated at the same time?
The problem is wanting to jump too high, too soon, too quickly!